


Waiting Till I'm Us

by electricgurl (ameliakate)



Series: Tumblr-parttimewriter [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 4 + 1 things, Canon Gay Character, Gay Bashing, M/M, Male Slash, Self-Denial, Slash, self hate issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-31
Updated: 2013-12-31
Packaged: 2018-01-06 20:54:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1111405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ameliakate/pseuds/electricgurl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>4 times Dean Winchester 'shot down' a member of the same sex, and 1 time he didn't. *DARK*</p>
            </blockquote>





	Waiting Till I'm Us

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Supernatural. Characters may be out of their normal way of thinking but its my world and my story and I wanted it this way. I do own any of the OMC and all related points to real life are just my awesome mind reading powers….but not because that isn't my real life. Hope you enjoy.
> 
> A/N: The summary is the plot idea that came from this website(http://spnficchallenge.livejournal.com/573.html#cutid1) . Also there are some words and content of this story that I warn you now is tough but part of real life. As part of the LBGT lifestyle I have had to deal with some of what Dean goes through below, and its not pretty and this story isn't made to make you feel good about things it a real life look at what people do to not only themselves but to others. That is your warning, the rating was given to this story for a reason! Also yes the characters are so out of it that they should be re-named but I wanted to write and this is what happened. Hope you enjoy and please no flames. This was written and posted, not beta and I didn't read over it again in the fears that I wouldn't post it if I did. Thanks for listening to my ramble, enjoy!

ONE- EVAN

It wasn't so much that Dean wouldn't have said yes, or that he wasn't interested. Looking at the man across the bar who winked at him. Well saying he wasn't interested was a big giant lie so he didn't say anything and instead smirked back as he picked up the drinks for the evening and made his way back over to his father's table. His mind focused almost completely on his father and his hunting friends talk of a shape shifter that they had been able to track down to this town. Dean didn't really care, he was sixteen and just excited to be in a bar and allowed to drink, so perhaps he had a little too much to drink and perhaps he had leaned a little too close to the bartender and then his Dad was by his shoulder. That sobered him up a little bit and he pushed back to a normal respectable space between the two slightly age gapped but sexually attracted teenagers.

They are both silent until his father retreats to his seat almost as if nothing had happened and he hadn't just been standing over his oldest son like a vulture swooping in for the fresh meat. The older man leans forward again but Dean doesn't follow him only glancing over his shoulder knowing that the men were watching now and he had to be on his best behaviour. He knew that most of his fathers friends already thought that he was too "pretty" to be a hunter and he had to put a number of them in place. There had only been one time that his dad had to help him and well the man hadn't made it out of the hotel room with his life intact for what he had attempted to do to Dean; which if Dean stopped and thought about it that might be what his father had just been trying to save him from which caused an unexpected smile to break over his face.

It was Winchester luck that the Bartender took that as a good sign and leaned in handing him a piece of paper and Dean looked down to find the name Evan and a number in quick handwriting in his hand. He looked the man over again for a quick moment, he was handsome not that Dean had a type, he had no one to explain his feelings to but the best he could figure was he was more into a person then the shell and he could deal with that. However his father couldn't and he knew his reaction wouldn't be worth the few hours they would get together.

"Sorry buddy, didn't mean to give you the wrong idea." Dean said sliding the paper back to him with an embarrassed frown on his face.

"I really don't think I do," Dean heard his fathers chair slid back slightly and his eyes held a side of panic when he looked back up and wondered just what this bartender, Evan thought of this situation he found himself in and Dean winced.

"Sorry, can't help you with your kink," he hissed and felt himself pain at his own words. He could only remember a little bit about his mother but there were a few memories that were clear as day. It had been a bright sunny day and they had been at the park while his father had been at work, or off on a trip again. Dean didn't really bother to remember what had been happening at what point anymore, it was hard enough to remember their "perfect" family as anything less than that.

"Remember Dean that everything you say that is mean cuts a small part of your soul. The angels are watching over you but you must still be the best you can be." She had smiled so brightly that Dean had sworn his eyes had hurt from the sight in front of him. It was all the comments he had to make to hide from the hunters that not only cut his soul to say it to someone else but realise also that he was saying it to himself. He pushed away from the bar taking his last shot as the two older hunters moved to the door to take their leave.

"I'm Sorry," Dean told Evan softly as he turned to follow his father out the door.

"I'm here till three," he whispered keeping an eye on the men at the door and making sure he wouldn't get either of them in trouble. "You are more than welcome to come back and chat or whatever."

"No, I can't. Just leave it and good luck with life." While it wasn't what he wanted to say it was something that didn't make his entire body and soul cringe as he did it. Maybe he could learn to live with it. Then looking at his father and seeing the investigative look on his face he added the one word that he knew would cause both the boys to cry themselves to sleep tonight. "faggot." Then Dean was gone, gone from his stool, gone from the bar, and Evan, he was out the door and holding back his churning stomach as he found his place in the backseat as they drove out to finish up the hunt laughing about how Dean put the bartender in his place.

TWO- HUNTER

It had been the first hunt alone, Sammy had left them three months before and Dean had never had his father so interested in his life before. He knew he was terrified of losing him too but really he needed his space. Which is why he was so happy that the next jobs that came around were four states away from one another, Dean took one and took off. Excited to stretch his legs without his father being on his elbow he pulled into the first bar he found. It was a place he would never have gone to if his father had been around, one of the places he had only heard about from the internet. Which he can get a look at during school or at the library when Sammy wants to go. He parked the car and smiled stretching as he climbed out of the car slamming the door as he moved up to the friendly enough place.

He smiled as he made his way in, no one looked at him when he stared a little too long at someone of the same sex, and no one screamed words that made him jump out of his own skin. He felt himself start to relax and then he was at his normal place in a bar which was the pool table and he was actually playing a game, not trying to win but just playing for fun. He was feeling a little off before he knew something was going wrong. He had been drugged, it wasn't anything he had to be worried about. He had witches, demons and grown hunters trying to drug him once a week it was just a piss off and something that he hadn't thought he would have had to deal with tonight. He had picked somewhere that he assumed would be open and inviting and something that he could enjoy and show his father that he was wrong with his thinking but it seemed like Dean would be the one that was proved wrong.

An arm came around his waist when his shot was over and he pushed it away, "fuck off," he warned turning slightly and pointing a finger at a man he knew, a man his father hunted with and his blood went cold. FUCK-FUCK John would find out, John-Dad-John would kill him. Dad would be so disappointed, his mind was spinning as he was pulled away from the group of men around his own age. If anyone thought something about this seemed wrong they didn't stop it, and it seemed like they forgot that Dean had even been with them before he left the front door. The cold air helped clear his head slightly and he knew he was being lead to a car and the man was talking to him. He shook his head and forced himself to listen.

"-it's a good deal kid, I'd take it if I was you-" he was rambling slightly while Dean frowned slightly he didn't drug him, then who was it, and what was this man's deal.

"What are you talking about?"

"You let me see how fucking sexy that ass is without the jeans wrapped around it and I won't tell your papa that I found you in a queer bar." The man-whose name Dean just couldn't remember said- and Dean squinted at him, that sounded like a shitty Deal and Dean didn't wait to advise him of this fact in great detail.

"Really, and how are you going to explain to my Father how you found me there? What do you think he will say when he asks me about this and I tell him about your offer." Dean spat his anger coming out as the words he had spat out over the years came back to slap him in the drugged and slightly buzzed mind. He pushed the man backwards into the light but didn't calm down even as people came out to see what was happening and a large crowd started to form around them.

"Sick fucking bastard, thinking you can take advantage of someone that is hurting and having fun. Get your rocks off on drugging people and blackmailing them into sex with you!" he demanded before a larger man who was clearly a bouncer made his way over to them.

"Gentlemen, do we have a problem here?" He asked and Dean just huffed and rolled his eyes.

"Nope, I'm just leaving and this asshole was going to go and check in to the local hospital." Dean snipped at him crossing his arms and the hunter curled his nose up at Dean.

"And just why would I do that?"

"To make sure you don't have a broken toy," Dean said before using the same type of kick he had watch Sammy use in soccer to let the ball go flying down the field. He knew he impacted something and could only guess at the damage that his steel boots would do to the man's goods but Dean just hopped that he would think twice before pulling what he pulled that night on another man. With that he got back into the Impala and pulled back out onto the blacktop to start the trip all over again.

THREE- JIMMY

Dean had almost forgotten what it was like to hide what he was to those he traveled with, he had been back with Sammy for about a month now and he had been questioned twice on why he didn't bring a chick back to the motel or go to her place. He quickly had to work back into the mind-set that his brother thought he was in. It was hard to stop his eyes from looking over the room and not focusing on at least half of who he found attractive in the room. Now don't get him wrong it wasn't that much of a heartache, since he had had real splits from his father he had gone a little crazy with the men and seeing what he liked and didn't like. He had a much better understanding of himself now.

It was something he would never take for granted but he also didn't know how Sam would react, it was clear that Sam was his father. The two of them were so alike that it hurt Dean sometimes to watch them and he had to wonder if Sammy would think of Dean's life choices the same way that their father thought about it. So instead of dealing with what could be the most painful moment in his life he stopped looking for guys.

It worked until one night, it was bad, the guy was clearly taken. He had groom to be on his damn head but had the brightest blue eyes he had ever seen. He had gotten close enough to hear Jimmy called and the head turn and he smirked slightly as he moved over to the bar and bought himself and the groom to be a drink with a smirk on his face. It had been about half an hour since he ordered the man a drink before he had a drunken to be groom by his shoulder holding onto his upper arm.

"Why did you get his for me? Do I know you?" he asked and a few of the men from the other party started to make their way towards them.

"Thought I would toss a little celebration your way since you were having so much fun." Dean said simply not willing to admit to the real reason that he ordered the drink. He was sure that a man in the lower half of the United States that was announcing to the world he was a groom would want to know the dirty nasty things that Deans mind was coming up with.

"Oh, and here I was hoping you were attempting to get in my pants." Dean did a spit-take on that comment and he saw Sam start to move towards them a puppy dog worried look on his face. Dean's mind was a jumble of a mess, the offer, his brother walking over, the fact that the man was getting married tomorrow.

"Look that's a great, hum-well I'm here with my Brother-" he pointed to Sammy who was walking over towards them his face pulled up tight and a frown clear. "And you are clearly taken-" he stated waving over his get-up and back to their party. "Worst timing ever buddy." The other man just grinned and shrugged, "had to try, tomorrow I'm taken." He called as he walked back to his friends and by the time Sam was besides Dean, Dean was so bright Red he was ready to call the evening a done deal.

FOUR- NEW AND IMPROVED DEMON!EVAN

"Come on Dean! He told me that we could, that I could do whatever I wanted if you said yes to me," what was left of Dean curled in around himself . The small bundle of Dean still left in his brain knew that he couldn't say yes, it would be too dangerous and that it would open a number of problems he didn't want to deal with. He shook his head.

"NO!" he called using the anger he remember from the day his father found out that he would fuck a man just as much as a woman. It was this range that tossed the group of male and female demons back. All but one, Evan…it was the boy from the bar all those years ago. But it wasn't he was torn apart and looked so much darker, like he belonged in the shadows with the creatures and demons that gathered behind him.

"Evan?" he asked softly and blinked trying to get the blood out of his face. This was hell so he didn't really see why it was so important to try but here he was trying to do it all the same the boy in front of him laughed loudly and Dean could almost taste the bitterness that rolled off the boy in waves.

"Not Evan anymore, haven't been Evan since the night I saw you and we clicked and talked and then you called me faggot. Did you know I went home and hung myself by my neck. Couldn't get your words out of my head, figured that it would always be the same. Man was I wrong, here I am in Hell and you know something Dean. " He didn't wait for a reply before he moved in and grabbed him by the chin and pulled him up to his eye level. "I got to make a deal, if I can get you to beg for me to fuck you I get to go topside." He leaned in and Dean knew he wouldn't be strong enough to hold back for long, this was a man he knew from before that if the words were true that he put here.

"So tell me Dean, gotta let me fuck you finally?" He leaned in and whispered in his ear, "beg for me to fuck you and they won't cut on you for the rest of the day." He licked the shell of Dean ear and he felt his spine raise slightly towards the man before he pushed himself down and shook his head.

"Told you once FAGGOT, go get your kink somewhere else." Dean said and knew that it would be the last thing he remembered for a while and damn he hated when he was right. He felt a large part of his soul slice into itself at his harsh words and with that there was silence at least for the moment.

FIVE and also back to ONE-CASTIEL

"Dean," came a voice that should be ear piercing and deafening and scary as shit, but instead it was small and human and terrified that something was going to happen and Dean wasn't sure how he could handle this. Cas was supposed to be Castiel, the bad ass kick everyone down and worry about whose fault it was later. Not a scared mostly human that stood in front of him, don't get him wrong e still loved Cas, and would always love him. But something was different since he came back from the death that should have been. Both of them had sensed it but neither knew much of what to do with it.

Dean had figured that going to a bar would be the best way to figure out what they were missing, so they had set out to try a number of bars, it was clear to Dean that after three straight bars it wasn't cutting it and he was surprised but not shocked that Cas would have a little kink in his sex life, after all Dean didn't stick to just females so why should anyone and if Cas was going to do it then he deserved to do it with someone and the correct sex that turned him on. It was just a little off setting for Dean to feel a pit of jealously start to rise up, he didn't want these other men touching his Cas, this was his angel and his man- Dean came to a full thought stop at that one, really was he going to go there with an angel of the lord. His feet answered him and he found himself across the room and Cas moving towards him a look of concern on his face and he met Dean half way across the room.

"Dean is something wrong?" he asked looking around for the danger he thought Dean found, he nodded his head and frowned then shook his head. "Should be leave?" again Dean shook his head it seemed that now that the time has come he was unable to speak and he only hoped that Cas could put two and two together.

"Can I help you with something then?" he asked and Dean couldn't help but smile at the confusion that he found on his angels face and he reached out and cupped his jaw. His heart started to pound and he knew that this is one that he would have to be the one to take the risk and be pushed away so he jumped feet first.

"Cas, fucking kiss me already." He said grabbing a hold of the man's tie he pulled it to move the man's mouth to slid into a kiss with his own and they both moaned in satisfaction when their lips meet and the world seemed right and neither of the men cared who saw or who would know. They were happy and that was all that mattered.

THE END


End file.
